Nora Snowdon: A Life So Far…
From the moment of consciousness, I knew I was destined for greatness. I just didn’t know how this greatness would manifest itself. I remember as a young girl standing in the supermarket with an orange in my hands and aiming at a large pyramid of tin cans. As my mother surveyed the toppled display I tried to explain, “If I can just get the pitch past Bucky Dent, the World Series will be mine.” Bucky Dent was the one baseball player I knew of because he was the only one I had on my baseball cards. My brothers had the more famous players, but apparently there was a glut of Bucky Dents so the leftovers were given to me, the little sister. Eventually I discovered that baseball, and in fact sports in general, were not my calling, but Bucky remains forever in my heart.
In grade four I decided that being a hippie was where it was at, man. The Grass Roots, the Monkeys, the Beatles, and circulating Ban the Bomb petitions became my passions, and I dreamed of the days when I would be old enough for be-ins, protests and rock concerts. I was devastated when I hit my teens and the sixties’ fervor had mellowed out leaving Terry Jacks, Shawn Cassidy and the Captain & Tennille in its place.
By my late teens we had devolved further into disco, big hair and the Me-Generation. And this vague, but omnipresent desire for greatness still plagued me. Rock stardom beckoned so I took singing lessons. Reassessing my vocal skills, I switched into mime school. After a very quiet graduation it soon became evident that people don’t actually like mimes. Theatre training seemed a good compromise between off key and silent, so I packed my bags and headed off to the Big Apple.
Theatre School was a heady, exciting time in my life. The school was an international who’s who from many different circles. There were the two females who’d become infamous for bedding and betraying married politicians, hitting the tabloids, then posing for Playboy Magazine and who were now unwilling to give up their fleeting fame. There were the coterie of children of famous lineage and models who “just wanted to act” as well as an Argentinean soap star and New York’s Debutante of the Decade. For a naïve girl from the left coast, the lunchroom discussions alone were enough to permanently curl my toes.
Despite my teachers’ rave reviews and assurances that with just a little more training, Broadway, film and TV were mine to conquer, eventually it occurred to me that maybe their main focus was actually on selling more classes rather than sending me out for fame and fortune. Still, it was a lovely delusion. Financial realities set in and I moved to Toronto, Canada where I was legally allowed to work while seeking my due glory.
I fell in love with a photographer and settled into a hectic life in retail interspersed with touring children’s theatre. You really haven’t lived until you’ve performed in front of a thousand screaming six to ten year olds. The illusion was slightly tarnished when we were pausing at a local Dairy Queen between shows and a couple of pimply fifteen year olds tried to pick up Cinderella, aka yours truly. Ahhh, childhood… How short and sweet it is.
By now you are wearying of my rambling tale so I will jump to the juicy part. I met Ron Jeremy of porn star fame and…
No, I lie. I was just checking if you were still paying attention. In actuality my life had become boring so I did what any sensible person would do. I dumped the photographer and moved back to the Wet Coast. Vancouver. Land of milk and honey. Well, maybe rain and pot? It was the right move, but I was still troubled by my inability to transcend mediocrity.
One day however, as I was eating spaghetti with special hand picked mushrooms, I was struck by a truly profound thought. I realized that greatness is totally subjective. I could just decide that I was the greatest and if anyone disagreed with me, it would be their word against mine. And so you, whom I’ve decided must be a very discerning and intellectual reader, are now reading the greatest bio ever written by Nora Snowdon. It took many years of diligence and perseverance, but now that I have finally become the great person I was destined to be, I realize that it was all worth it.